Sure, some days can be harder than others to say no to restricting. And sometimes, once in a blue moon, I’ll admit, I do miss the hospital….being there surrounded by others that knew what I felt, and the routine and therapy of it all (and not having to deal with the outside world).
But it’s amazing how much I DON’T want to look like those girls anymore, and how happy I am with the way I look now.
Sure, I want to improve, but nowadays I look at these typical skeleton-thin “thinspiration” pictures that I used to aspire to look like… and where I used to criticize myself and hate myself for not looking quite like them in my eyes (even though I probably did), I am SO glad that I don’t look like that now.
I may not be perfect…I have a little extra meat around my belly area (thank you genetics), but I am happy with where I am right now, and proud that I am FINALLY getting rid of my toothpick legs and getting some quads and glutes!
It’s amazing to think of how warped and distorted my perception of myself was, and what I thought was ideal. I look at these photos and think That’s what I wanted to look like?? (and I probably wasn’t too far off in obtaining that goal, I just couldn’t see it). Nowadays, I consume more calories and work my ass off at crossfit classes to gain as much muscle as I can, and I’m proud of the little changes I have made so far. I no longer have chicken-legs and I have a butt!
I do have goals as far as my body image goes, but I am working towards them in a fun (at least to me) and healthy way, and I have never felt better! I will never again skip a meal or throw up for the sake of losing an extra pound, I feel way to great to sacrifice my health!