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I tried so hard for years to get to a point in life where I honestly and truly love me for me, and don’t think any less of myself because of my body fat percentage. And I’d like to think that I’m there, most days.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have bouts of insecurity every now and then. There are still things that trigger me. Maybe not as much as before, but they’re not non-existent. I just choose not to act on them.
My triggers can be anything, from things I see on the internet, to an ad on TV, to things people say to me.. and while I don’t want people to sugar-coat anything for me and I prefer people to be honest, every once and a while a comment made in my direction will spark that thought process in me, and I’ll be tempted to take an unhealthy route to get to where I want to be.
This can be tough, and during these times I can get pretty upset, or frustrated, or glum. But I try to turn into my own personal therapist and ask myself a few questions:
Why do I feel this way?
Why am I doing this?
Who am I doing this for?
Who am I really disappointing if I end up “letting myself go” a little?
Would I really want to go back to an old lifestyle that left me miserable and sick?
In the end, the answers are the same. I’m just letting my insecurity get the best of me. I am doing this because I want to be the healthiest and fittest me I can be, and I am doing it for me. I am healthy, happy and fit. The only person I am letting down is myself if I slip up, and I can always get right back into it… and I will only let myself down even more if I go back to old habits. And I definitely don’t want to do that because I remember how I felt, and I never want to feel that way again.
There are no shortcuts. And sometimes it will seem like results are taking much longer than I thought they would, but it takes time. I’m not going to turn into Jamie Eason overnight, or maybe at all. The point is that I’m working hard, and I’m dedicated, and it’s okay if I don’t turn into Wonder Woman. There is always room for improvement, but if I don’t see any then it’s not the end of the world. As long as I am healthy and active and happy, I will be just fine.
I survived my second week of phase 3 of Livefit, and enjoyed every minute of it. I saw that my strength and endurance had increased, and I loved the sprints. I felt changes in myself, and I thrived on the hard work that I was putting in. The first week of carb-cycling was a little tough at some points, but I stuck to it and said “no” to that little carb demon on my shoulder!
Sadly, this all had to come to a halt this past weekend.
On Friday, I had a pretty annoying abdominal pain, in my belly-button. I ignored it and continued on with my workout on Friday night. But the pain didn’t leave, and in the middle of the night it got worse and I couldn’t move or it would hurt. I wanted to ignore it and do my workout on Saturday, but my boyfriend talked me into taking the day off, since it seemed that perhaps exercise was what aggravated it. I’ve had the problem a few times in the past, and most of the time it was after or during a workout. I had mentioned it to my doctor last year and at the time he didn’t think much of it.
It hurt pretty much all weekend, and finally started to subside yesterday. But my workouts were put on hold.
Call me obsessed, but I was pretty upset about having to miss my workouts, and after finding out that it could possibly be a hernia and that exercising may aggravate it, I promised that I would put any strenuous exercise on hold until I had a doctor check it out. I was not happy.
I know I can pick it right back up when I get an okay from the doctor, but I was irked because this is the first time that I have stuck with a program for this long and not had any hiccups or desire to quit. I was committed to sticking with the schedule of the program and finishing it, and I still am. To have to put it on hold when I’ve been so dedicated and done so much hard work and only had 2 weeks left made me feel a bit frustrated.
I went to the doctor today, and will have a cat scan sometime this week, and will hopefully soon have a plan for when I can take care of this and get back in the game.
But just because I have to take a break from Livefit doesn’t mean I have to let myself go, or cave into old ways. I will still watch my diet and stay within my calorie count. I can still do some walking or biking (even though I really would like to do sprints!). I’m not taking this opportunity to be lazy and eat whatever I want, like I had always done in the past. I worked too hard to get where I am, and I am not about to let all my hard work go to waste.
I got this.
And I am rather proud of myself, actually. When I first started the plan, I peaked at the workouts in phase 3 and felt a little apprehensive, and was second-guessing myself a little—thinking that I might be tempted to quit at that point, or half-ass the workouts (since that’s what I would have done before). I’ll admit, the first day of phase 3 was a bit tough, and I was looking forward to it being over with. But I pushed through it, remembering that I didn’t get this far to quit now, and although I was sore for the rest of the week, I completed the workouts, and actually enjoyed them.
I like incorporating plyometrics into my workouts and having supersets and active rests. The workouts are definitely not boring! And the 30 minutes of sprints are really not as bad as I thought they’d be. I actually like them—it makes the 30 minutes seem to go by quicker, and I like to see how my heart rate shoots up; I feel like I am really working hard and challenging myself more than I would 30 minutes of steady cardio.
This week I start carb-cycling, a process that is new to me but apparently effective for some. For three weeks I will have three low-carb days and then a high-carb day. I have to plan my meals out a little more than I would have before, and pay attention to my macros. I had to sit down for a while Monday night to plan for the week. I use MyFitnessPal to track my daily intake (my username is JoJo0921 if anyone would like to add me). I made a list of all possible foods I could eat and listed the amount of carbs in each next to them, and made a chart with the days of the week and listed the foods under each, trying to get them to add up to the right numbers (75g of carbs on the low days and 188g of carbs on the high days). It was a bit tough yesterday since I seemed to be craving carbs all day! I’m actually looking forward to my high-carb day tomorrow. :)
And the workouts seem to get a little easier. The first workout of phase 3 that almost made me want to cry (of course, I want to cry any time I have to do walking barbell lunges—I hate lunges!) was easier for me to complete this week. And the sprints seem to be a bit easier to get through this week as well.
I haven’t seen any noticeable change in the scale, although my boyfriend did say I seem a bit thinner, and I definitely notice more muscles in my arms and can feel them when I run my hands up my arms. And my legs feel tighter. I’m curious to see how my body will react to the carb-cycling.
If my calves were sore yesterday, today they are in hell! I’m walking a little slowly today..
Looking at the workout, it didn’t seem to me that it would be so difficult, since I have been building up the strength in my legs a lot in Phase 2, and I have fairly decent cardio.
Well, halfway through I was really looking forward to finishing! My legs felt as though they had passed through the three circles of hell! And today, my calves are definitely feeling it. We’ll see how I feel when I get to do sprints today. Yippeeeee!! (Can you hear the sarcasm?)
Despite being sore, I really am looking forward to advancing more in phase 3. This is where the fat burning really happens, and I’m ready!
If anyone else has completed the Livefit Trainer, I would love to hear your input on the after. Where did you go from there? Did you move on to another program? What was next for you?
This is the longest that I have stuck with an exercise program. I was always a quitter in the past when it came to physical activity. I quit swim team after just one practice because it was too strenuous for my liking. Same with flag football, I became equipment manager/videographer once I realized that it was a lot more work than I had thought. In tennis class, I told the instructor I couldn’t run laps at the beginning of class because I had back problems. I dropped jogging and distance running class in college.
Then, throughout my adult life, I would become enthusiastic about losing weight and getting healthy. I’d be working out every other day and eating better. But, being as impatient as I am, when I wasn’t seeing results in just a few weeks, I would get discouraged and give up (which I had secretly wanted to do anyway, since I was NOT a fan of exercise).
I never stuck with anything, and I never had the motivation and determination to stick with a program. It was just so easy to do things the unhealthy way, and it kept me from having to do anything too strenuous. I hadn’t really ever been that healthy before, so I didn’t want it.
Last year it all changed. I will always have a love for running, because it was what initially snapped me out of my unhealthy funk, and gave me motivation. I started eating more, and committed myself to transforming into a runner, and started researching nutrition and exercise. Then I became passionate about making myself healthy, and being the best version of myself. And once I realized how much better I felt and how happy it made me, I realized I never wanted to go back to being unhealthy.
I started sticking with things and following through with my promises to myself. It made me excited to be committed, since I never really had been in the past, and that alone was my motivation. It keeps me from quitting. And although I’m not in the best shape, I am in the best shape that I have ever been in my life! And that alone is something for me to be proud of.
These are the reasons that I don’t give in to old habits, and don’t even think twice about it. I feel better than I ever have before. I sleep well, I have energy throughout the day, I’m more alert, happier, less irritable, and stronger.
Not that I don’t have bad days, or a few insecurities here and there. When I gain a little bit of weight, I can still get that feeling of disappointment and frustration. I still can be a little sensitive to comments whenever I get sick…I used to get sick ALL the time, for long periods of time, and there were always people that commented on it, and it would hurt a little when people would make comments like “Wow, you’re always sick.” I’m still working on strengthening my immune system after years of being very unhealthy and getting sick at least 4 times a year, and I have made progress.
But it’s so much easier for me to dismiss these feelings and overcome them by remembering how determined and committed I have been, and the progress that I’ve made. And how long I have stuck with my goals so far.
That is my motivation.
Once again, I haven’t been a very good blogger lately! I will try to be better at this.
I’m sure some paleo people out there may have heard of the 80/20 principle. If you haven’t, you can read the article on Mark’s Daily Apple here.
This is what I would describe my diet as. I stick to mostly paleo, but there will be some foods from time to time that aren’t 100% paleo, and may be processed a little. Also, after a hard workout I like to try to eat protein as soon as I can, and sometimes it’s easier to grab a protein drink than to wait until I get all the way home and cook something (I get hungry!). And while I try to drink my coffee with coconut milk and stevia, every once in a while I’ll use the non-dairy creamer and splenda, or I’ll order a soy chai latte at Starbucks. Which is not too often, I don’t drink that much coffee anymore. I still keep away from gluten and dairy still since my body seems to operate better without them. And every once in a while when my friends want to go out, I’ll order a glass of wine or a vodka tonic.
But it’s not that often, and I may be a little more 90/10 than 80/20 for most of the week.
As far as training goes, I am on the last week of phase 2 of the Jamie Eason Livefit Trainer. I have loved it so far and have definitely seen improvements in my strength. It was nice the other day to increase my alternate bicep curls from 15lb dumbbells to 17.5lb dumbbells! I can see the difference in my arms when I flex.. my bicep is a little more cut and I actually have a little bit of tricep definition!
One thing that has been a little difficult for me during phase 2 is the “bulking.” I did my research before committing to the trainer, and I saw a few blogs that reviewed the program and said that phase 2 seemed to be a bulking stage for them, and that their clothes fit a little tighter and they looked bigger, and it was difficult, but they stuck with it.. and by phase 3 - the “cutting” phase - they seemed to shred all that fat, and it was worth it.
So I mentally prepared myself for this possibly happening to me. I voiced my concerns to my boyfriend and said that no matter what, I would stick with it.
I did seem to gain a little more during phase 2. And although I had prepared myself for it, it was still difficult. I got a little frustrated, thinking that I was making gains in strength and doing so much work, but I just looked bigger. And as a person who was a former anorexic/bulimic/overeater that struggled with body image my whole life, it was tempting at times to do extra exercises, or restrict my food intake.
But I kept reminding myself that others had been where I was, and they stuck with it and saw results. So I didn’t give in to any of the negative voices.
And I felt proud of myself for sticking with the program and making it this far, and making the gains that I have. Just look at the difference in my bicep!
I’ve loved the exercises and the way the program is set up. Next week I will be starting phase 3. I am excited, and maybe a little nervous after seeing the exercises that I will be doing! But I will keep at it!
I’ve been thinking about “cheat days” and “cheat meals” lately.
I had a couple opportunities this weekend to have a cheat meal, but I neglected to take them because I had not designated a “cheat day” for myself. And I’m not sure when I will.
Others might think I am too strict on myself, and it occurred to me that some people might even define me as orthorexic.
As for me, I believe I am just doing what’s best for me, and my health.
If you didn’t already know, I have a history of anorexia, bulimia and compulsive overeating. And while I was able to conquer these eating disorders and haven’t looked back, I know how easy it would be for myself to lose control on a cheat day and go overboard, and in doing this it would be easy to enter into a binge-purge cycle again. It happened a hundred times in the past; I would get serious about wanting to eat healthier and lose weight, and would be okay for a few days. Then I’d be eyeing the candy jar that I keep on my desk for others (and my bosses always buy the good stuff that I like) and end up grabbing one.
One candy bar isn’t terrible. But I have NEVER been able to stop at one. It didn’t matter how many times I would tell myself not to grab another, I had already tasted sweetness and had to have more.
Then the “all or nothing” thinking comes into play. I’d think Well, I’ve already screwed up my diet by eating this many. I’ve done bad, I may as well just eat the whole thing now. Which would ultimately lead to a purge, then a whole day of the binge-purge cycle.
It’s hard to break that way of thinking. But there is a grey area. Just because I cheated a little doesn’t mean I have to keep going.
Also, my body has grown accustomed to the way that I eat now. The last time I gave myself a cheat day, my body didn’t seem too happy with me and I felt pretty bad for a couple days.
So for me, until I am confident in myself that I won’t lose control or enter into that “all or nothing” way of thinking, I will stick to designated planned cheat days.
I love banana bread. So last week, when I had some overripe bananas that were perfect for banana bread, I decided to try my hand at making some. I came up with this recipe, and it turned out pretty good! My boyfriend and I went through the loaf in two days. A lot of banana bread recipes called for 2-3 bananas, but I like my bread really banana-y, and I found that adding the coconut flakes gave it a little texture. So here it is for anyone interested:
Paleo Banana Coconut Bread
2 cups Almond Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 Tbsp Cinnamon
4 Ripe Bananas, mashed
1 Tbsp Vanilla Extract
1/4 cup Honey
1/4 cup Unsweetened Coconut Flakes
1/4 cup Coconut Oil
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix almond flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and coconut flakes together in a mixing bowl. In a seperate bowl, mix together the bananas, eggs, vanilla, honey and coconut oil. Slowly pour the wet ingredients into the flour mixture, and stir together until dough is moistened. Pour dough into a greased 9x3 loaf pan.
Bake banana bread in the preheated oven until brown and crisp around the edges, about 45 minutes.
Hope you enjoy! We sure did. Thanks for stopping by!
To the random guy that always tries to pick me up at the gym: I’m at the gym to do work, not snag a date. Plus, I’m in the zone and its inconvenient to have to pause my music every time you want to say something.
I haven’t been the best blogger lately, and I apologize to my followers for that!
Last week I had my one year Blogoversary for when I first started blogging about running over on http://jordanjane.wordpress.com/
It was nice to read through my old posts and realize how much I accomplished that I never imagined I’d do. If I was able to make the transformation from runner-hater to runner-lover then I can make the transformation from average/skinny girl to girl with muscles!
I’m getting there, slowly but surely. Results take time, and the point is not to give up just because I don’t see them as quick as I’d like. It takes continuous hard work and dedication. And I intend to keep at it!
I’m still doing Jamie Eason’s LiveFit Trainer and am enjoying it so far. This week is the last week of Phase 1 for me, and Then Phase 2 starts next week in which I can start doing cardio again. I’m enjoying incorporating exercises I never thought to do before into my workouts, and exercises change every 2 weeks. I am starting to feel stronger, and I love it when I am able to move to a higher weight! I haven’t lost any weight and my weight has been consistent, but then I’m not looking for a change in the scale as much as the visible transformation. I wouldn’t mind the number going up actually, if it’d mean more muscles, especially in my legs. My legs have always been skinny-stick things with no shape, and my calves have never touched in the middle when I stand with my legs together. That could be genetics, and perhaps they never will, but I can certainly try to give my calves and thighs more shape.
I have seen a small difference in my biceps..yay! It’s not much, just a bitty bump, but definitely progress for just 3 weeks!
Still doing pretty well with paleo, although some days I might have something that isn’t completely 100% paleo. I’ve been eating more and concentrating on filling up with protein first, and it’s still doing my body good. I have a lot more energy, less desire to snack continuously throughout the day, and no more 2:30 crashes.
Actually, through eating paleo, I found that my body doesn’t particularly like dairy. I decided to opt for cheese on one of my dishes instead of asking them not to include it, and my body was not happy with me, and I definitely regretted it. I’m not too bummed about that though. Sometimes I miss ice cream, but I can do without milk and cheese. I did used to eat loads of cheese, but I don’t really miss it. And I never liked milk, and hated drinking it as a kid, it just didn’t seem to sit well in my stomach. I enjoy my almond or coconut milk.
I hope everyone else has a fantastic week! Thanks for reading!
I can’t say how much it made me smile to have so many likes on my progress photo entry! I was hesitant to post them up but I have found that all of you out in the blogoshpere are very supportive and positive, and it is very encouraging.
As far as my weight training goes, I have been doing the same thing in the gym for a while now, and decided it was probably time to change it up a bit. So I’ve decided to try Jamie Eason’s 12-week Live-Fit program. The program is 3 phases and the first phase is similar to what I have been doing recently.
I’ve seen some people post impressive results of their progress after following the program completely, but was wondering, has anyone else tried this program? If you have, what were your results, and what did you like about it?
So here it is, finally, some progress pictures to show for all the work I’ve done.
So I mentioned last year that my boyfriend and I started a “Fat-2-Fit” journey. Neither one of us is what you would call overweight, but I was what you would call “skinny fat” and wanted to tone up and lose my gut, and David wanted to lose a bit more weight. We started monitoring our calorie intake and working out more and took progress pictures every two weeks.
I never posted any of these photos of me for a few reasons..
First, I thought that I should wait until I actually saw some progress to put pictures up so it would show a difference. I didn’t want to show my photos to others until I had something to show for all the work I’ve put in.
But mostly, I was too embarrassed to post my photos up until I knew I didn’t look like that anymore. I felt super insecure about the photos we took and didn’t want others to see all my imperfections.
But looking at blog after blog I see so many people posting their photos, facing their fears and showing others themselves because they vow to work hard and make it better. I see the people on Biggest Loser stepping on the scale shirtless in front of the world for millions to see. And I think, if they can do it, why can’t I? What am I afraid of? Why should I be ashamed, when I’m working hard to improve myself? I may not be in the best shape, but I’m in the best shape that I’ve ever been in.
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